THIS JUST CRACKS ME UP

YEARS AGO I HUNG AROUND WITH THIS GIRL KELLY, SHE DROVE A CAMERO NAMED HERMENETTA ( YES I KNOW ITS SPELL WRONG) WELL NOT THAT THE CAR HAS MUCH TO DO WITH THIS STORY BUT, WHEN KELLY AND I HUNG AROUND WITH LYN, KELLY WAS THE ONLY ONE WITH A CAR. WELL AT THE TIME I HAD A BOYFRIEND NAMED JEFF. IT WAS EASTER SUNDAY, DON'T ASK ME WHY I REMEMBER THE DAY BUT I DO (SORRY JEFF IF YOUR READING THIS). WELL JEFF AND I BROKE UP, OK I WAS SAD. WENT CRYING TO KELLY AND LYN AND KELLY'S ANSWER TO ME WAS..........."I CAN'T BELIVE YOU AND JEFF BROKE UP NOW I'M LOOSING ALL MY FREINDS." HER AND LYN GOT IN THE CAR AND DROVE AWAY. WAIT WASN'T HE MY BOYFIREND. OH WELL. TO THIS DAY, 15+ YEARS LATER, JEFF AND I ARE STILL FRIENDS, HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO KELLY OR LYN IN YEARS.

ANOTHER FUNNY ABOUT THAT DAY. THERE WAS THIS KID ANTHONY, THAT BOY WOULD HAVE JUMPED OFF A BRIDGE IF I'D GONE OUT WITH HIM. HE FELT BAD BECAUSE JEFF BROKE UP WITH ME AND BROUGHT ME FLOWERS. AWWWW. NO I NEVER DID GO OUT WITH ANTHONY.........THAT'S FOR ANOTHER DAY.

SOME DAYS I'M SO EVIL

OK I MIGHT BE PROUD OF THIS STORY BECAUSE AS TIME WENT ON ROD GOT WHAT EVER HE DESERVED. BUT WE HAD DATED FOR ALMOST 4 YEARS. NOT BY ANY CHOICE OF MINE. I WOULD TRY TO BREAK UP WITH HIM BUT HE WOULD HAVE NO PART OF IT. SO I WOULD NEED TO COME UP WITH CREATIVE IDEAS HOPING TO GET RID OF HIM, BUT IT TOOK FOREVER. THIS HAPPENS TO BE ONE OF MY FAVORITES.

IT WAS HIGH SCHOOL OR IT COULD HAVE BEEN AFTER SINCE WE DIDN'T START DATING TILL SENIOR YEAR SO IT MUST HAVE BEEN THE SUMMER AFTER. THIS WAS PROFILE THE FIRST TIME I TIRED TO BREAK UP WITH HIM AND HE WOULDN'T LET ME. MOST OF THE TIME MY FRIENDS AND I WOULD HANG OUT DOWN THE BEACH. BACK THEN EVERYONE KNEW JOYCE AND I AS DOUBLE TROUBLE AND WE CHATTED WITH ALL THE GUYS. I WOULD DO THIS DIRECTLY INFORMS OF ROD AND STILL HE WOULDN'T LET ME GO. IT GOT TO THE POINT THAT WHILE HE WAS SITTING NEXT TO ME I WOULD GIVE OUT MY PHONE NUMBER. USUALLY TO ANY GUY WHO ASKED JUST SO I COULD GET RID OF ROD. NEEDLESS TO SAY THIS DIDN'T WORK......... MORE ABOUT THIS TO COME.

"TWELVE STEP INTERNET RECOVERY PROGRAM"

I FOUND THIS IN MY EMAIL TONIGHT AND ITS SO ME, I JUST HAD TO SHARE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"TWELVE STEP INTERNET RECOVERY PROGRAM"

1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Internet.

2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.

3) I will get dressed before noon.

4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet.

5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived.

6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet.

7) I will read a book . If I still remember how. (note-I love to read & have discovered some of my fav authors come in e-book--whew I still get my net with my books)

8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Internet.

9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.

10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.

11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Internet.

12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime ...

And the Internet will always be there tomorrow!

$.25

OK SO I WAS JUST TALKING TO MY FREIND BARRY AND I HAVE A FUNNY STORY ABOUT HIM.

YEARS AND YEARS AGO, BARRY & I DATED. IT WAS FOR A LITTLE WHILE, I OF COURSE BROKE HIS HEART. THIS IS SOMETHING I'M VERY GOOD AT DOING. WELL ANYWAY. ONE NIGHT MY FUTURE EX-HUSBAND CHRIS, BARRY JEFF AND A FEW OTHER PEOPLE WERE OUT. THERE WAS THIS GIRL KERI. SHE KNEW CHRIS FROM SOMEWHERE, THEY PROBALLY DATED, WHO KNOWS WHO CARES.

WELL ANYWAY.....BARRY AS LONG AS I HAD KNOW HIM BEFORE THIS, HE WAS MR. SAFETY. HE WOULDN'T EVEN LOOK AT A GIRL WITHOUT A CONDOM IN HIS POCKET. SO THIS PARTICULAR NIGHT, FOR WHAT EVER REASON, CHRIS DECIDED TO SELL KERI FOR A QUARTER. SO BARRY GAVE CHRIS THE QUARTER (KERI KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT THIS) AND BARRY AND KERI BECAME CLOSE. VERY UNLIKE BARRY THEY HAD SEX THAT FIRST NIGHT AND HE DIDN'T HAVE A CONDOM. WELL JUST HIS LUCK KERI GOT PREGNANT. HE FOR YEARS BLAMED ME. AND MY ANSWER ALWAYS WAS, WE WERE BROKEN UP FOR OVER 6 MONTHS WHEN YOU MET KERI, IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.

SO THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS ...........QUARTERS CAUSE BABIES.

NAMES

I HAVE DECIDED TO GO BACK AND FILL IN THE FIRST NAMES OF EVERYONE, SO OVER TIME YOU CAN PUT TOGETHER THE PIECES OF THE PUZZLE AND FIGURE OUT HOW EVEYONE IS RELATED.

AND PEOPLE SAY I'M CRAZY

SO SOME PEOPLE SAY I'M NUTS, OK I'M A LITTLE STRAGE BUT HEY THOSE OF YOU WHO KNOW ME, LOVE ME FOR IT. I FOUND A FUNNY IN MY "IM'S" THIS MORNING AND I NEEDED TO SHARE.. OK TO TELL THE STORY (NO NAMES WILL BE MENTIONED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY) LAST YEAR I WAS SEEING THIS GUY AND WHEN HE WOULD STAY OVER, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AFTER I FELL ASLEEP, HE WOULD GET UP AND USE MY COMPUTER DON'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING, HE SAY'S WORKING ON HIS EBAY, BUT YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT I MET HIM ON LINE. SO HE WOULD USE MY COMPUTER AND COME BACK TO BED JUST BEFORE MY ALARM WOULD GO OFF SO THAT I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS UP TO. WELL I DID KNOW EVERYTIME, BECAUSE I WOULD WAKE UP, SO WHEN I CONFRONTED HIM ON THE HE WOULD SAY, "EBAY BLAB BLAB BLAB."
SO MANY TIMES I ASKED HIM TO STOP AND HE WOULD JUST TELL ME I WAS PARNIOD. WELL THE DAY AFTER VALENTINES DAY, HE JUST WALKED OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF ME NAGGING ABOUT IT AND NEVER SAID ANOTHER WORD........POOF HE WAS GONE.

WELL LATELY WE HAVE BEEN TALKING HERE AND THERE AND HE INVITED ME OVER FOR DINNER. HE DECIDED THAT "HE ATLEAST OWED ME THAT FOR BEING SO RUDE TO ME". WELL HE WAS JUST ABOUT TO GO OFF ON VACATION AND I TOLD HIM WE'D TALK ABOUT IT WHEN HE GOT BACK. OK SO HE GOT BACK A WEEK AGO AND MESSAGED ME. I DID ANSWER HIM BACK. SO THIS MORNING, THIS IS WHAT I WOKE UP TO. I'M SHARING THE MESSAGES HE SENT SINCE BACK FROM VACATION LIKE I SAID BEFORE THE NAME IS REMOVED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY.

(2/12/2006 2:26:41 AM): Sorry just got back from Florida and had a hell of a fight to get back, lol! I is back sweaty!!! I hope to talk to you soon! kisses and hugs,,, yes spelled out,,, because for you ! ,,,, I mean it
(2/12/2006 2:27:04 AM): leave your number so I can talk to you!
(2/12/2006 2:27:59 AM): I again am ,,, 1-XXX-XXX-XXXX if it is blocked I will not pick up, sorry QD,,, luvs, anyway
(2/12/2006 1:00:43 PM): ARENT YOU GLAD YOU CAME HOOME JUST IN TIME
(2/17/2006 2:11:19 AM): I guess you are imbarressed to tell me otherwise but let me just say I am not here for your convenience and/or do I think it is right to do as you do. I am not here to talk to you when you have a breakup,,, I was always honest,, you obviously have had a change of circumstances that you are quiet about. I sent you an IM almost a week ago and no responce that is all you get,, fuck this,,, good luck for the first time since 15 FEB 2005 I am deleting you from my list. Don't respond,,, your fucked. And If you did reconcile (which I hope) I wish you the best even though you were to spineless to even say,,, "Hay,,, Welcome Back" Plus if anything made sence and you prefer to talk to other guys during troubled times than it is obvious,,, you are not what I would ever,,, ever consider in my space
(2/17/2006 2:11:28 AM): later freak, the best of luck,,,,,
(2/17/2006 2:12:24 AM): As of now you have been deleted! If I get another message,,, which I pray - not!!! I will report you as spam! LAter nutcase
(2/17/2006 2:14:57 AM): You are now off my list of fucked up nut jobs and head cases!!!

AND PEOPLE SAY I'M CRAZY, DID HE REALLY THINK AFTER A YEAR WE WOULD KISS AND MAKE UP??? WE DIDN'T DATE THAT LONG BEFORE, I DIDN'T CHASE AFTER HIM WHEN HE WALKED OUT. WHAT REALLY MADE HIM THINK I'D WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER??!!!